December 10th, 2013

Something at the end of nothing.

At the end of frustration perhaps something can be found?

Today has been a challenge on my time. Everything has took longer than I had hoped. At the end of the day I had my upload to create, and thought to myself I would quickly do an arpeggio patch. Now for those of you who have some experience with creating arpeggio patches then you will know these things are a beast to program. I didn’t know this. For something that seems so easy on most synthesisers, they are a massive undertaking in modular systems. Lesson learned.

So I did something else… and that failed.

Time was ticking by, I had something else I needed to do after the upload, and already it was approaching midnight, my head spinning. I longed to turn off the gear. Pictured myself throwing it across the room. Wondered why I decided to do these uploads for yet another year. And then I thought, “well, you know what, I don’t decide these things when tired and dizzy, but when enthusiastic and thinking clearly” So I pushed on.

I finally come to the conclusion that I would do something very, very simple and see if I could make that work. After a little tweaking here and there, things started to sound midly interesting. Yes, it definiltey grows on you. It isn’t anything amazing, but something is there, and perhaps something that I have often struggled to do before.

Simplicity, real simplicity.

Normally something simple for me will be a more complex simplicity. Complexity hidden in simplcity. But this, this is almost borderline cheap, naff, plastic, basic, default. And there is definitely something interesting in that.

Perhaps it is just my head spinning after all, but there is something I do know for sure. Had I not committed to these uploads again, had I not simply decided, then tonight would have ended long ago, I would have quit. The equipment would have been turned off and that would be that. And I am sure another day would deb the same, and yet another.

Now failure is no bad thing, but chain failures is like chain smoking, no good for anyone. The occasional sneaky cigarette out the back porch when the partner isn’t looking, now thats kind of romantic. But chain smoking, you basically stink of shit, and you know it too.

My point is, constantly giving up is only going to give you failure, but failure learned from, now that is something worth feeling tired for… and you smell better too.

I think if maybe, perhaps, if we push ourselves past the point of our normal cut off, something is there for us, something interesting, rewording, and worth that little extra effort, if not just a smile when finally getting to go to sleep.